People wonder why for a variety of reasons why I am, and remain, single.

I have been through “marriage”, but proved to a judge that the resulting ”divorce” my abusive ex sought can’t happen; it was illegitimate because of the false foundations the supposed ”marriage” occurred, which included him not properly filing his legal paperwork for the marriage certificate, and the preacher falsifying the date the marriage occurred.

Tranny chasers, people who fetishize transsexuals like myself just to satisfy some kink they have.

Dating other “trans” people who degrade the transsexual experience and eschew trans cult propaganda at me, thinking I have some kind of responsibility to represent a community I don’t see myself as a member of. (Or who turn every goddamn date into some kind of advanced academic discourse on feminism, “queer theory”, and shit that you discuss on dates further down the line—I expect initial dates to be light subjects and getting to know the basics about someone first!)

Dating too many other millenials in general who expect society to cater to them, without trying to assimilate and take personal responsibility.

So, forgive me if that any girl who wants to date me better be worth more than my being single. Because, despite how Hollywood and social perception tries to tell the story, I am happy being single. I don’t always have to double-check about social plans and ”non-optional social obligations” when I want to do something, especially when something just pops up. I can cook, clean, look after myself. Too many women around my age want to eventually settle and raise a family with kids, when I am long passed that point because of the rape and resulting unplanned pregnancy I ended up with at the age of 20.

I don’t give two shits what society things about being single. I don’t mind being a ”dedicated bachelor”. Yes, too many bad relationships and being too often fetishized are good reason to want to remain single. And there are no problems with wanting the freedoms with come with being single.

I have given online dating a couple of goes, only for dates to always go bat shit crazy on me. Last year, during my most recent attempt, my ”date” ended up as an academic discourse on the failings of our capitalist economy, rather than the ”get to know you” kind of thing I figured most first dates were supposed to be about. I don’t want to go on blind dates anymore based on a dating app ”algorithm” that only pairs you up because of how many terms matched up that you and the other person both posted on your profiles; I want to fall in love with someone whom I already know, or be matched up through friends. I don’t want to go to the bar to hook up with someone unless we were both patrons who knew someone in common. Maybe those days are long gone, maybe they are not.

I have had people try to flirt with me at the bar and other locales, only to get the vibe that they’re ”tranny chasers”. I get it, for most of the population it would be the first time they’d be dating a trans man socially, and having sex with. But there are telltale signs that separate them from fetishists, people who are just objectifying me—they just want me for my body or to try something out as a kink or sexual curiosity; they have no desire for a long-term relationship that’s valued on commitment, friendship, trust, and loyalty.

I am not a fan of hook-up culture, ”friends with benefits” … what the kids today now call “polyamory”. While I have plenty of friends and am in several circles where people who are in or have expressed wanting to try polyamory, it’s not for me. I will not even consider semi-open relationship, remaining monogamous myself but with my girlfriend sleeping around with other people. I refuse to share my body physically with someone who chooses to share theirs with several other people simultaneously, because I am entitled to my health, and wish to minimize my exposure to PTSD. I don’t expect my partner to be my everything, but when it comes to the physical aspects with a relationship, I am a one-person-one-partner kind of person. If they don’t like it … their loss, not mine!

Until my time in Missoula, I never really had a healthy model for a relationship. Now that I know what a healthy, loving, monogamous relationship can look like, I know there’s potential for me to finally find someone and settle down, to build a life together, to share a long life together. But I am not a hopeless romantic longing for it to happen—if it does, okay; if not, still okay.

It has taken well over a decade to get my house in order. Years of therapy to get my mental illnesses and health back together. Having suffered from a long string of bad relationships for a variety of reasons has left a bitter taste in my mouth about committing my life to someone again, when friends provide my emotional needs, and porn satisfies the physical. I quite enjoy being single, because I am not a very social person, I prefer my solitude, and I am quite content and fulfilled living the single life.

If you want to date me, your presence better be well worth more than my solitude. Just because I’m single, doesn’t mean I’m lonely. I already have a family.

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