People wonder why for a variety of reasons why I am, and remain, single. I’m 35 as of the time I write this; I have been through “marriage”, but proved to a judge that a resulting ”divorce” can’t happen because it was illegitimate because of the false foundations the supposed ”marriage” occurred.

So, forgive me if that any girl who wants to date me better be worth more than my being single. Because, despite how Hollywood and social perception tries to tell the story, I am happy being single. I don’t always have to double-check about social plans and ”non-optional social obligations” when I want to do something, especially when something just pops up. I can cook, clean, look after myself. Too many women around my age want to eventually settle and raise a family with kids, when I am long passed that point because of the rape and resulting unplanned pregnancy I ended up with at the age of 20.

I don’t give two shits what society things about being single. I don’t mind being a ”dedicated bachelor”. Yes, too many bad relationships and being too often fetishized are good reason to want to remain single. And there are no problems with wanting the freedoms with come with being single.

I have given online dating a couple of goes, only for dates to always go bat shit crazy on me. Last year, during my most recent attempt, my ”date” ended up as an academic discourse on the failings of our capitalist economy, rather than ”get to know you” kind of thing I figured most dates were supposed to be about. I don’t want to go on blind dates anymore based on a dating app ”algorithm” that only pairs you up because of how many terms matched up that you and the other person both posted on your profiles; I want to fall in love with someone whom I already know, or be matched up through friends. I don’t want to go to the bar to hook up with someone unless we were both patrons who knew someone in common. Maybe those days are long gone, maybe they are not.

I have had people try to flirt with me at the bar and other locales, only to get the vibe they’re ”tranny chasers”. I get it, for most of the population it would be the first time they’d be dating a trans man socially, and having sex with. But there are telltale signs those of being fetishized, and far too often people see me as their ”first” in purely physical terms—they just want me for my body or to try something out as a sexual curiosity, rather than just wanting to go on dates to see if there’s a chemistry for a potential, long-term relationship that’s valued on commitment, friendship, trust, and loyalty.

I am not a fan of hook-up culture, ”friends with benefits”, and ethical polyamory. While I have plenty of friends and am in several circles where people who are in or have expressed wanting to try polyamory, it’s not for me. I am not even considering being in a semi-open relationship, with me remaining monogamous and my girlfriend having other partners. I understand polyfidelity, and the importance of getting checkups frequently to stave off STDs—I refuse to share my body physically with someone who chooses to share theirs with several other people simultaneously. I don’t expect my partner to be my everything, but when it comes to the physical aspects with a relationship, I am a one-person-on-partner kind of person.

Until my time in Missoula, I never really had a healthy model for a relationship. Now that I know what a healthy, loving, monogamous relationship can look like, I know there’s potential for me to finally find someone and settle down, to build a life together, to share a long life together.

It has taken well over a decade to get my house in order. Years of therapy to get my mental illnesses and health back together. Having suffered from a long string of bad relationships for a variety of reasons has left a bitter taste in my mouth about committing my life to one person, when friends provide my emotional needs, and porn satisfies the physical. I quite enjoy being single, because I am not a very social person, I prefer my solitude, and I am quite content and fulfilled living the single life.

If you want to date me, your presence better be well worth more than my solitude. Just because I’m single, doesn’t mean I’m lonely. I already have a family.

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